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Aug 2009

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Domain Of The Day: watersweeper.com

Today starts new series on this blog called Domain Of The Day in which a web site or domain name that makes my smile [satirically] is briefly brought to your attention.

We begin with watersweeper.com. If you think it’s simply too difficult sweep the dust off your sidewalk with an ordinary broom and pick up trash by hand, you can purchase this sprinkler-on-wheels for only $179. It’s sold as a “quick & easy” way to clean pavement and “blasts away dirt, … litter, [and] pop cans” using a constant flow of pressurized water. Since it only uses 8 gallons of water per minute, “it saves you money”. The idea to waste water on cleaning sidewalk comes to you not from the “Land of 10,000 Lakes” but from the dry desert state of Utah, where it costs $1.00 to use this device to spray water for 21 hours (10,080 gallons).

At least there’s not a world water crisis going on, and good thing they didn’t make a documentary film called FLOW discussing the world water crisis.

Mar 2009

11 months agoJeremiah: Why do we not gather all of the thieves at AIG in a jail cell? AIG Sucks and so does their bonus joke.

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America Bailed Me Out And I Got Was The Alps!

I bought this mountain with my taxpayer-funded bonus! Signs that your company clearly sucks at life:

You remove the AIG name and logo from your office buildings.
Your CEO publicly admits that “the AIG name is so thoroughly wounded and disgraced that we’re probably going to have to change it”.
You send memos to your employees telling them not to wear anything with AIG name to avoid being killed by the public mobs. “If you think you are being followed, immediately dial 911!”
Your mismanagement has prompted Congress to tell AIG executives to kill themselves and attempt to apply a 90% tax to AIG bonuses.
Your web site’s most prominent feature is a button bragging about how you are “Protecting customers, repaying taxpayers”.
Your employees have e-mail addresses that read aloud as “a-i-gag.com” (alright, so the last one has nothing to do with the bailout, but I accidentally discovered this hilarious pronunciation of one of the company’s domain names when a client called technical support last week)

Jul 2008

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Just Add Potato

I was recently taken to a new low looking through this weekend’s newspaper. I am now the shamed owner of a coupon for a product called Potato Finishers. Continue reading

Jul 2008

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Who Need Socialized Medicine When We Have Socialized Oil?

It has never occurred to me that I could call the government if I were to run out of gas.

Alan Peterson, Incident Management team leader for the Utah Department of Transportation, has been assisting drivers who have pushed their fuel tanks too far and run out of gasoline. In 2007 the team gave out about 721 gallons of gasoline to stranded people. This year so far, they have already given out about 524 gallons. [...] Last month, the team helped 150 motorists refuel.

If the end of the year sees double the current amount, that equates to 3 gallons of free gas every day. At the current price of $4.15/gallon, Utahns are [collectively] paying $12.45 every day because of a growing number of idiots (as of last month, we’re now up to 5 per day!) who disregard their fuel gauges. Is it really that hard to put gas in a car? Even using the lower 2007 numbers, 721 gallons divided by 52 weeks is 14 gallons/week. Let’s hear that again with gusto: The government is handing out a full tank of gas every week! My car doesn’t even hold 14 gallons, but I’d still like to know how to submit my name into the drawing.

May 2008

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I Would Like Some Justice NOW Please

Why do people ask pointless questions? Asking for permission to borrow things is usually pointless; I would call it laughable if this annoyance weren’t so frequent. Since most requests are non-destructive, it doesn’t really make sense to tell someone no when they ask to use something like scissors or a blender. As long as the person borrowing the item returns it in the same condition, why not? This makes asking pointless. The whole idea is undermined, however, by the people who don’t ask and don’t return. These are the people on my hit list because not only do they take your things, they also force us otherwise normal people to ask for unneeded permission. In other words, the kind of people who would steal your blender out from under you aren’t going to ask permission in the first place, so you won’t have the chance to tell them no, while the people that are thoughtful enough to ask are also going to be thoughtful enough to hand you back a clean blender when they’re finished, so there’s no reason to deny them from doing so, yet it is still socially necessary to ask so that you are not assumed to be in the despicable first group. So long as I live I shall fight this injustice; I do not ask for pointless permission, but of course I return borrowed items in their original condition.

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