Tuesday, 28 October 2008, 1:29 AM
Outside of chronic degenerative diseases, the top cause of our demise has long been accidental death. This broad category of mortality – which includes much more than simply dying from falling into a ravine or meat grinder – is often taken for granted, yet it is one of our country's most important strengths. You may be tempted to accept that 4.8% of fatalities in the United States being attributed to unintentional causes is adequate. After all, accidents are already the fifth-largest cause of death, second only to heart disease, cancer, stroke, and respiratory disease. I, however, know that we can do better. Although we are off to a great start, much remains to be done if our nation is to remain a viable world superpower and truly progress in the future. Unless we commit right now and adopt the "I don't think, therefore I am not" attitude, our once-great nation will swiftly fail.

The leader of our nation has a direct impact on mortality rates. As the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) statistics clearly show, the accidental death rate drastically declined under the Clinton administration. Thankfully, the downward trend reversed in 2001 when President George W. Bush first took office, and, by the beginning of his second term, Bush had single-handedly raised the rate of unintended deaths back to the acceptable pre-Clinton levels America was accustomed to. Although the CDC has not yet released data for the most recent years, I am confident that the latest term of the Bush administration has brought us unprecedented levels of accident mortality we never thought possible. Continuing this work and ensuring America's place as one of the greatest nations in the world will require a continuation of our incredible leadership.

We must act with urgency to ensure our future. With the next Presidential election just days away, Americans need to step up to the challenge of putting someone in power who shares our like-minded vision of increasing the unintentional death rate exponentially. By electing John McCain, the candidate who announced to over 56.5 million television viewers that "we have to make health care avoidable", we can accomplish just this. Although his campaign will maintain that the elderly man simply misspoke during the final presidential debate, his "accidental" idea to abolish the medical system and get rid of health care altogether is perfectly in line with what today's voters want from the next leader of the country. Without the worry of hospitals, doctors, medical bills, or insurance companies, the public will be encouraged to live up to their full potential and try never-before-seen stunts. The Republican party's prescription of ex ante moral hazard, causing people to reduce or completely abandon self-protective activities, is a theory well established by the world's top economists and precisely what America needs. As an added benefit, the shock value that comes from hearing about a McCain-Palin win will be enough to at least triple the accidental death rate during the month of November and jump-start the new administration's progress.

With a completely new Commander-in-Chief, it will be our civil duty to bring the troops in the Middle East home safely as soon as possible. Our government is paying the country's bravest men and women to be shot, bombed, tortured, and otherwise killed by radical Islamic terrorists, yet their deaths are only counting as mere "acts of war", not as accidents. Many of the family members left behind, anxiously awaiting the return of their loved ones in body bags, seriously consider committing suicide. This, also, is deeply saddening because purposefully killing oneself does not increase America's number of accidental deaths in the slightest. Instead of sending our most daring and rambunctious citizens off to a foreign land, we should be spending that money subsidizing their continued presence here at home through copious donations of trampolines, Jet Skis, and once-in-a-lifetime skydiving lessons. Hiding in army bunkers and protecting exploding mosques cannot rival the resulting spikes in unintended fatalities from jumping into a power line, flying headlong into a riverbed, and falling from the sky due to failed parachutes.

While these proposed temporary measures are essential, sustainable growth in accidental death rates will require a fundamental economic policy shift. Our financial markets are in the midst of the worst credit crisis in recent history, scaring away many American investors. As these old rich white men have begun fleeing to Europe and Asia with their money, one can only imagine how low the number of fatal high-speed Lamborghini chases on US roadways must have already plummeted. The problem is only further exaggerated by the fact that men account for 69% of all unintentional deaths, and people aged 65 and older have an accident mortality rate almost four times higher than average. It is clear that electing John McCain president, with his lengthy experience as a senior, will be vital in enacting the social security and other economic reforms necessary to reverse this trend and bring the elderly Caucasians – and their capital – back to our financial markets.

The government must also examine the fiscal policies of foreign powers. Thankfully for America, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has been watching "as [Vladimir] Putin rears his head and comes into ... Alaska". By applying her extensive knowledge of foreign policy to the current financial crisis in the United States as well as duplicating the policies of neighboring Russia's economy, which has fallen over 60% since May and nearly halted as of late due to heavy reliance on foreigners for all long-term financing, Palin will also be a key player in permanently reshaping our economy.

Our task at hand is monumental. Increasing the rate at which people are unintentionally maimed each year will require us all to work together. As a resident of the great state of Utah, I am proud to be represented by someone who understands the importance of this campaign. While some would have been concerned to see their state senator set aside the needs and concerns of his constituents, I know that the weeks Orrin Hatch spent composing an original song in support of John McCain's election will be paying off for years to come. We must set aside our differences and – whether black or white, gay or straight, Republican or Democrat – vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin. As much of our country's history demonstrates, united, America can achieve anything – even reckless abandon – so "sure as heaven we're gonna win. Start celebrating, now let's begin!".
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Tuesday, 14 October 2008, 2:21 AM
In 2007, the US Mint produced 2,089,500,000 new dimes. Two trillion! Averaged evenly across the year, this equates to over 66 dimes per second.

A single dime is 0.705 inches in diameter. Lined end-to-end, the dimes produced last year alone would stretch over 23,249 miles. [For comparison, the circumference of the Earth is 24,800 miles].

A single dime weighs 2.268 grams, so there are 200 dimes in one pound. 2007's dime production weighs in at over 10.4 million pounds. [For comparison, my car weighs 2,800 pounds, and the world's heaviest record land mammal, an African elephant found in Angola, weighed 27,000 pounds].
1 comment
5 weeks ago
Randy Lee: DIME IT that's alot of dimes.
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Saturday, 11 October 2008, 1:42 PM
As cool as Google Chrome is, many of us have been reluctant to switch due to the lack of AdBlock Plus. With a few quick tweaks, however, you can give Firefox some of the same look and feel:
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Thursday, 4 September 2008, 5:27 PM
Credit cards are awesome. If you're not using a credit card for every purchase, you should be. Apart from the free benefits that pass many people by -- like automatically doubling your warranty up to an extra year on almost all purchases (including electronics) and refunds on prior purchases in the event of a price drop (remember the first iPhone?) -- credit cards allow you to earn cashback and other rewards. Of course you won't be able to quit your day job, but free money is free money. As long as you have some self control, you can make the system work for you instead of against you.

This post lays out how I run my credit cards. You should first familiarize yourself with the video clip Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford. To make this work, you must never pay any fees and you must never pay any interest. With that in mind, let's get started.read more »
2 comments
8 weeks ago
dattasmoon: Dude, that "Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford" plan is just what this country needs. I need to learn it too, mmmm expensive laptops!
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Thursday, 21 August 2008, 6:57 PM
I've launched an AdBlock Plus filtering list. If you're using AdBlock Plus, click below to add it and catch some text ads and other annoyances not found on the included EasyList.
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6 weeks ago
Randy Lee: It's a list full of fashion. Or something. Anyways yeah I'm using this.
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Monday, 28 July 2008, 2:07 AM
I was recently taken to a new low looking through this weekend's newspaper. I am now the shamed owner of a coupon for a product called Potato Finishers.

All-American Potato Finishers ("Great on baked and mashed potatoes!"). This is exactly what America needs. How have we been eating potatoes for all these years without this product? Basically, it is a bag containing cheese sauce, shredded cheese, and bacon bits. It's not like you could buy cheese sauce, shredded cheese, and bacon bits in already-prepared, individual packages and then apply all three items to a potato separately. Moreover, it's not like you could buy a chunk of cheese and shred it yourself, or buy packaged bacon and cook it yourself. The fact that the main ingredient is missing from the product should be your cue to run in the other direction. If that's not enough of a hint, seeing that the widely-publicized coupon allows the "savvy" shopper to "save" $1 on this item, the price should scare off the rest of you; I'd guess $3 - $4.

Perhaps even more disconcerting than the Potato Finishers themselves is the fact that a Google search for "potato finishers" returns eBay auctions for the very coupon to which I earlier referred as the first result. It's not enough that our planet is littered with this coupon in who knows how many newspapers across the country; people are now selling this same coupon for actual money. There are presently 8997 food coupons listed on eBay. You probably had no idea that there is such brisk trade in food coupons happening right under your nose. Is there really a market for mass quantites of useless food coupons? I am also unsettled by the fact that a single product line now merits its own domain registration (thank goodness sargentofinishers.com was available, imagine the horror if terrorists had snatched up the domain and our All-American Potato Finishers couldn't have their own website) and web design efforts. As the nutritional information and even the list of ingredients is conveniently absent from this special website (it's a food product, what else could the website legitimately have?), what does appear on the site is laughable. I'm not sure I'd agree that pictures of fake cheese mixtures on top of various degrees of fried potatoes qualifies as "exciting serving suggestions". Not to be outdone, the hidden nutrition facts are equally bothersome: 1/4 of the small pouch is considered a single serving and has 23% of your daily saturated fat intake and 25% of your daily sodium. Ah, America owes you a vote of thanks, Potato Finishers.
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Tuesday, 15 July 2008, 12:43 AM
It has never occurred to me that I could call the government if I were to run out of gas.
Alan Peterson, Incident Management team leader for the Utah Department of Transportation, has been assisting drivers who have pushed their fuel tanks too far and run out of gasoline. In 2007 the team gave out about 721 gallons of gasoline to stranded people. This year so far, they have already given out about 524 gallons. [...] Last month, the team helped 150 motorists refuel.
If the end of the year sees double the current amount, that equates to 3 gallons of free gas every day. At the current price of $4.15/gallon, Utahns are [collectively] paying $12.45 every day because of a growing number of idiots (as of last month, we're now up to 5 per day!) who disregard their fuel gauges. Is it really that hard to put gas in a car? Even using the lower 2007 numbers, 721 gallons divided by 52 weeks is 14 gallons/week. Let's hear that again with gusto: The government is handing out a full tank of gas every week! My car doesn't even hold 14 gallons, but I'd still like to know how to submit my name into the drawing. ;-)
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